how lucky i am, to have you by my side.
This post doesn't necessarily apply solely to my father; rather, I would like to dedicate it to my entire family, my mother and father, my grandmother, my brother and sister. There is never a day where I do not think of you, of whether you are happy, or safe. I wonder if you think of me, I wonder if you are lonely. I always wish there was more that I could do to make you proud, that there was a way I could pass these emotions as nothing and push forward to be the person I've always wanted to be to you. I'm really working on it... I don't know why I am in this hole right now, though. I don't know why I can't get out. I keep climbing, but the dirt at my fingertips crumbles with every touch, with every pull, I'm dug a little deeper, and even though I laugh, even though I enjoy, there is something missing, a little bit of sensitivity and consideration for others that I once possessed and lived through with fervor. It's gone. I don't know wher eit wen't. I'm trying to find it, to get it back, or at least, to rediscover it, build it from the ground-up.
I'm sorry I cannot be all I need to be right now.
I'm sorry that I cannot come sooner. I want to be with you, to be home, but I have a duty here, and it is to make you proud-- and I will.
Please believe me. Thank you for believing in me now, even now, even when I'm like this, empty, hollow, a failure.
I journey along a narrow path that has been blocked by a large cliff, but I will overcome it, climb over it. Get to the light, to the heart. Get to you. To be with you.
Thank you for waiting for me, always. Thank you.